imabasketcase
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Post by imabasketcase on Sept 22, 2015 7:27:08 GMT
So this a thread where I'll post songs I've written. I'd love some feedback, positive or negative. Just remember that I'm new to this, so don't be too harsh!
Anyway, this is one I've been working on.
I've lost track of the days of my life I don't want to grow old I don't want to keep up this life
And I know If you never move foward You never move at all
But in time The cliches lose all meaning And are exposed as lies
All my hopes and dreams Burn into the night sky As they go up flames Watch the smoke as it climbs up to the sky
My days are numbered My time running out My dreams died long ago My flame has burnt out
I'll take these bridges I'll burn them at my feet I'll fade into an echo I'll become a memory
What do you guys think?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 7:30:17 GMT
How's the tune?
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imabasketcase
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Post by imabasketcase on Sept 22, 2015 7:42:04 GMT
I'm not really sure how to describe it...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 7:48:00 GMT
You can (roughly) play the melody on piano (or guitar), record it, and upload it....
But yes, extremely tiresome. :negative:
Now that's a song lyrically very similar to the majority of the tracks in Sum 41's fifth album
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imabasketcase
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Post by imabasketcase on Sept 22, 2015 7:54:17 GMT
I can probably do that tomorrow or something.
I didn't notice that... it doesn't sound like I'm trying to rip it off, does it?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 7:59:11 GMT
No it doesn't, only the lyrical "theme" is somewhat similar.
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imabasketcase
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Post by imabasketcase on Sept 22, 2015 8:11:54 GMT
Gotcha. Do you think it's an okay song though? At least the lyrics themselves, do you think they're okay?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 8:20:58 GMT
Since I'm no expert, they simply just look good enough to me.
But does this song have a bridge part, or a hook?
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imabasketcase
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Post by imabasketcase on Sept 22, 2015 8:33:48 GMT
This is the hook
My days are numbered My time running out My dreams died long ago My flame has burnt out
I'll take these bridges I'll burn them at my feet I'll fade into an echo I'll become a memory
I haven't quite finished it yet. I'm still working on the second verse and bridge.
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Silent Soul
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Post by Silent Soul on Sept 22, 2015 11:56:08 GMT
I think it's really good. I don't know why, but it looks very much like a pop-punk/alternative rock song.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 14:53:39 GMT
IMO a mid-tempo ballad song.
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imabasketcase
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Post by imabasketcase on Sept 23, 2015 4:07:16 GMT
It's closer to a mid-tempo pop-punk/alternative ballad! Haha.
Here's the updated version. I'm still working on the bridge.
I've lost track of the days of my life I don't want to grow old I don't want to keep up this life
And I know If you never move foward You never move at all
But in time The cliches lose all meaning And are exposed as lies
All my hopes and dreams Burn into the night sky As they go up flames Watch the smoke as it climbs up to the sky
My days are numbered My time running out My dreams died long ago My flame has burnt out
I'll take these bridges I'll burn them at my feet I'll fade into an echo I'll become a memory
The smoke from my burning dreams Fills my lungs with hopeless air And it's suffocating me
I'm tired of my nightmares I can barely breathe Please save me a prayer
My days are numbered My time running out My dreams died long ago My flame has burnt out
I'll take these bridges I'll burn them at my feet I'll fade into an echo I'll become a memory
(Bridge) I can't sleep tonight I can't close my eyes I can't take more lies I can't see the light
At the end of the tunnel, that's supposed to be there for me That it all gets better, and it was just a bad dream But the lies that they tell you, they don't mean a damn thing There's no reason to care, it's so hard to believe
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 4:49:43 GMT
Can't deny that this looks really good.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 6:52:33 GMT
This part is thematically confusing. It's difficult to tell whether the song is supposed to be about hope or hopelessness. Maybe you're aiming for a more ambiguous theme, I don't know. But the other lyrics make it clear that some dude has given up on his life.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 8:04:56 GMT
This part is thematically confusing. It's difficult to tell whether the song is supposed to be about hope or hopelessness. Maybe you're aiming for a more ambiguous theme, I don't know. But the other lyrics make it clear that some dude has given up on his life.
Maybe this should be interpreted as, "I should have hope, but it's all meaningless in the end" something similar like that?
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