ben545
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“If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to ask someone else first.” Kurt Cobain
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Post by ben545 on Mar 22, 2016 16:47:32 GMT
I used to have a little peer group of friends as I was growing up and lost touch with all of them eventually because of drugs. I do wonder if I've ever had any real friends at all because almost all of my relationships have been toxic in one way or another. I was always quite a bad drug user up until quite recently, the last six years or so. Drugs ruin lives by wasting your time and distracting you from what is really important in life.
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sam
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MOTM October '18
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Post by sam on Mar 22, 2016 19:19:41 GMT
I've had quite a few and they've all ended badly (friendships and relationships) that did include the things you mentioned. I think the hardest part was cutting off my connections with those people but I came out stronger imo- if someone is like that towards you I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to leave. It was very very difficult but I have no regrets and my sanity is intact
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2016 19:21:52 GMT
The best thing that you can do for your own mental health is to DROP them no questions asked. Drop them, and delete them from all social media, block them if you have to. Don't even tell them. Tell yourself you deserve true friendships and deserve true feelings that come with it.
It will hurt for a long time... but eventually you'll thank yourself. People like that rarely change, and you don't want to limit yourself by going off of the good memories and good feelings you once had with those people. They will continue to waste your time and they will continue to do those things.
I've made the mistake of feeling sad because I'd miss the memories or the way they'd make me feel and they'd just continue to hurt me. For nearly a year I'd let them continue to hurt me. It's not a fun time and not healthy for my illnesses.
It causes so many more issues within yourself and even physically. It WILL eventually wear you down to nothing.
So the best thing you can do is practice self love and drop the toxicity from your life no matter how much it hurts.
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sam
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Post by sam on Mar 22, 2016 19:31:26 GMT
The best thing that you can do for your own mental health is to DROP them no questions asked. Drop them, and delete them from all social media, block them if you have to. Don't even tell them. Can confirm I won't name any names but I wish I did this with someone instead of just telling them. Things didn't end well and there was I was harassed and bullied essentially for months after it. Why I just didn't block them I don't know It was a really scary thing to do though and that experience afterwords just really fucking sucked. And you're right- especially if you have troubles of your own the last thing you need in your life is someone like that. It can create new problems for yourself (what it did to me) or just worsen what you already have to deal with.
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Stephanie ❜.
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Post by Stephanie ❜. on Mar 22, 2016 19:41:26 GMT
Wow @blackstarghost !!!!
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TheRaven
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Post by TheRaven on Mar 22, 2016 19:46:46 GMT
I believe dropping that friendship/relationship is the only way to somewhen get over it.
I did have a few minor toxic friendships when I was little (I constantly end up in this shit) but only one that was bigger. Realising that the one I thought was a good friend just uses people and manipulates them was hard for me. In the end our ways parted because we attent different schools now but letting go is not easy.
If you want to get rid of a friendship/relationship that's toxic, cutting off the connection to that person really is the only way. Even when you're so used to them because they've been in your life for a long time, it's better to let the past be and try to move on. I do know that moving on is easier said than done, I guess a rather big part of my trust issues with face-to-face people in my everyday life comes from said friendship...
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helloheartache
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It's not saying goodbye that's hard. It's letting go.
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Post by helloheartache on Mar 22, 2016 21:24:44 GMT
I recently had one friendship of mine turn out being toxic in some way and I can confirm that it is quite difficult to just end it. It kind of hurt when I first found out that that person - whom I genuinely thought was my friend - was actually lying to me about almost everything. But eventually, I got over it and now I've moved on. In my opinion, the best way to fully get over this kind of relationship - whether that be a friendship or a romantic relationship - is to just cut off all contact and stop communicating with that person. There are other ways to move on and get over that relationship as well, but in my opinion - like others have stated above - this is the best and most effective way to get over and move on as well as help yourself 'heal' from the hurt and harm of such kinds of relationships.
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ben545
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MOTM March '16 - Banned
“If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to ask someone else first.” Kurt Cobain
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Post by ben545 on Mar 22, 2016 22:54:08 GMT
Sometimes you reach a point with someone when you just think "I've had enough of this person" and then it's time to break all ties with that person and sometimes the other person breaks all ties with you. I always feel a little sad when that happens, the more a relationship is able to overcome its differences the stronger that relationship will become. Good friends pick up from where they left off when they meet again. I'm not one for staying in touch with past relationships like Avril Lavigne, this makes me a little sad too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2016 9:59:32 GMT
"Toxic" might be too strong a word, but I've certainly had relationships and friendships which, in hindsight, weren't right for me, and I grew as an individual when I let them go. Let's just say that oil and water will never mix, no matter how hard you want them to.
On the other hand, I'm still in a situation which borders on the kind of thing you guys are talking about. What do you do when you don't like someone who you've been friends with for 25 years? What do you do when everything someone says upsets and frustrates you, yet there's a kind of brotherly love that compels you to keep them in your life?
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katy
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Post by katy on Mar 23, 2016 12:52:46 GMT
Me and my boyfriend of 8 years actually broke up last night kinda for this reason, it was just becoming a mess and making us both unhappy no matter how much we wanted it to work. Thanks for this thead cos I'm an emotional wreck today and it's helping me see its probably for the best.
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sam
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MOTM October '18
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Post by sam on Mar 23, 2016 13:22:28 GMT
Me and my boyfriend of 8 years actually broke up last night kinda for this reason, it was just becoming a mess and making us both unhappy no matter how much we wanted it to work. Thanks for this thead cos I'm an emotional wreck today and it's helping me see its probably for the best. That's so horrible, can't imagine how you feel, 8 years is a really long time. I wish you well
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Stephanie ❜.
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Post by Stephanie ❜. on Mar 23, 2016 14:46:20 GMT
katy omg i'm sorry girl.. glad i can help you a bit!
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helloheartache
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MOTM Feb '16
It's not saying goodbye that's hard. It's letting go.
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Post by helloheartache on Mar 23, 2016 14:51:17 GMT
Me and my boyfriend of 8 years actually broke up last night kinda for this reason, it was just becoming a mess and making us both unhappy no matter how much we wanted it to work. Thanks for this thead cos I'm an emotional wreck today and it's helping me see its probably for the best. I'm so sorry 8 years is indeed a long time. It must be extremely difficult for you. I genuinely hope you'll heal as soon as possible from the pain of the breakup.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2016 14:57:26 GMT
I'm sorry to hear this katy ... as you said if your relationship wasn't fulfilling anymore and made you both unhappy, then it was the best thing to do. Indeed it's easy to say. You need time for yourself and it will eventually get better.
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ben545
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MOTM March '16 - Banned
“If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to ask someone else first.” Kurt Cobain
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Post by ben545 on Mar 23, 2016 15:34:50 GMT
Me and my boyfriend of 8 years actually broke up last night kinda for this reason, it was just becoming a mess and making us both unhappy no matter how much we wanted it to work. Thanks for this thead cos I'm an emotional wreck today and it's helping me see its probably for the best. Sorry to hear about that Katy, eight years is a long time. Can you expand and tell us why the relationship became such a mess?
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