tirasayshello
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Feeling Anything but Ordinary
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Post by tirasayshello on Mar 11, 2023 21:35:18 GMT
I’ve been hanging out on bandaids so much the past week because my kitten is really sick (and was misdiagnosed by his vet so he’s 2 weeks late getting the treatment he needs and I’m just praying it’s not too late) and normally Avril stuff can distract me and make me feel better. But stuff going on with her makes me sad too. I have an exam Monday that I’ve been trying to study for but it’s been so hard trying to do that, take care of my kitten, and deal with the emotions of it all. My friends have been being as supportive as they can be, but we’re all studying for mondays exam so they can’t be as supportive as they normally would be (and I don’t blame them at all). So idk I guess I’m just posting here to put my feelings out in the world. I'm so sorry about your kitten... I really hope the treatments help him... I'm sure he'll be okay. Also I think you'll be fine on your exam. You seem like a smart person, so I'm confident you'll do great.
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damncoldnights
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Post by damncoldnights on Mar 11, 2023 21:52:14 GMT
I’ve been hanging out on bandaids so much the past week because my kitten is really sick (and was misdiagnosed by his vet so he’s 2 weeks late getting the treatment he needs and I’m just praying it’s not too late) and normally Avril stuff can distract me and make me feel better. But stuff going on with her makes me sad too. I have an exam Monday that I’ve been trying to study for but it’s been so hard trying to do that, take care of my kitten, and deal with the emotions of it all. My friends have been being as supportive as they can be, but we’re all studying for mondays exam so they can’t be as supportive as they normally would be (and I don’t blame them at all). So idk I guess I’m just posting here to put my feelings out in the world. I'm so sorry about your kitten... I really hope the treatments help him... I'm sure he'll be okay. Also I think you'll be fine on your exam. You seem like a smart person, so I'm confident you'll do great. Thank you! ❤️ someone else was talking about their family bugging them to get married -wanted to jump in and say mine does too lol and in fact, they were hoping my kittens would turn on my maternal instinct and make me want to get married and have kids lol.
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Panchali
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Post by Panchali on Mar 12, 2023 6:32:27 GMT
My family is after my life. They want me to get married 😭 Oh umm... don't fall into pressure, and make the choice that's best for you I’m in late 20s so there’s lot of pressure when you are in late 20s - 30s in India. It’s meeting someone or the other every month and it’s mentally draining to find out everything about the other person by just meeting/ talking to them. Also I don’t like anyone that easily 😭 I feel I should have grabbed someone in college, but my relationships never worked out. So all these arranged marriage offers for me 😭
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Panchali
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Post by Panchali on Mar 12, 2023 6:33:48 GMT
I’ve been hanging out on bandaids so much the past week because my kitten is really sick (and was misdiagnosed by his vet so he’s 2 weeks late getting the treatment he needs and I’m just praying it’s not too late) and normally Avril stuff can distract me and make me feel better. But stuff going on with her makes me sad too. I have an exam Monday that I’ve been trying to study for but it’s been so hard trying to do that, take care of my kitten, and deal with the emotions of it all. My friends have been being as supportive as they can be, but we’re all studying for mondays exam so they can’t be as supportive as they normally would be (and I don’t blame them at all). So idk I guess I’m just posting here to put my feelings out in the world. hang in there 🫂
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damncoldnights
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Post by damncoldnights on Mar 12, 2023 16:54:59 GMT
Oh umm... don't fall into pressure, and make the choice that's best for you I’m in late 20s so there’s lot of pressure when you are in late 20s - 30s in India. It’s meeting someone or the other every month and it’s mentally draining to find out everything about the other person by just meeting/ talking to them. Also I don’t like anyone that easily 😭 I feel I should have grabbed someone in college, but my relationships never worked out. So all these arranged marriage offers for me 😭 The beginning stages of dating suck IMO because it’s exhausting doing the small talk/getting to know you stuff. It’s too much effort lol.
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falling
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Post by falling on Mar 13, 2023 15:42:32 GMT
Oh umm... don't fall into pressure, and make the choice that's best for you I’m in late 20s so there’s lot of pressure when you are in late 20s - 30s in India. It’s meeting someone or the other every month and it’s mentally draining to find out everything about the other person by just meeting/ talking to them. Also I don’t like anyone that easily 😭 I feel I should have grabbed someone in college, but my relationships never worked out. So all these arranged marriage offers for me 😭 Life in India doesn't seem easy. I don't know much about it, mostly from some movies and shows. In my opinion, people there get married early and there are strict traditions and it all seems complicated. I hope everything goes well for you and you make the right decision.
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Panchali
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Post by Panchali on Mar 13, 2023 17:26:14 GMT
I’m in late 20s so there’s lot of pressure when you are in late 20s - 30s in India. It’s meeting someone or the other every month and it’s mentally draining to find out everything about the other person by just meeting/ talking to them. Also I don’t like anyone that easily 😭 I feel I should have grabbed someone in college, but my relationships never worked out. So all these arranged marriage offers for me 😭 Life in India doesn't seem easy. I don't know much about it, mostly from some movies and shows. In my opinion, people there get married early and there are strict traditions and it all seems complicated. I hope everything goes well for you and you make the right decision. Thanks! Life isn't easy but.. actually it depends in India on the family and culture one is born into. But most girls who work don't get married young these days, most people I work with got married in late 20s or early 30s.. and there are some girls who actually want to get married at 20 and don't ever want a job and don't do. much housework either. They just want to sit at home lol. There are some who want to work & earn but in-laws don't let them, like I have a friend who lives in joint family with her in-laws and husband's siblings and she is expected to cook, clean etc for them & they don't let her get a job. Mos of these things come from community a person belongs too, some are traditional and some are not. I think thats the reason arranged marriages work so well here and most divorces happen in love marriages, because adjusting with someone who comes from a different culture isn't easy. Some communities are patriarchal some are matriarchal.. some are more educated..etc. India is very diverse culturally so everywhere it's different. We have 22 official languages alone and 1000s of different dialects, different religions .. so everywhere it's different. There are both pros and cons to it. Also I feel marriage is a huge gamble. India has lowest divorce rates in the world though I feel its changing since past few years. The problem comes because marriage is for life, people can hide certain things before one is married because they know you will be stuck in the relationship and getting a divorce is hard.
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Jinkxx
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20 June 2008 & 04 May 2023 - The days I met Avril <3
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Post by Jinkxx on Mar 14, 2023 14:05:04 GMT
Panchali I got a bit anxious reading your posts, it must be so diffcult to love in India known you have to get married, right? So it means if you aren't finding someone yourself your family will find someone for you? Are there woman who never get married in your country and if so how is that going for them? Also it's kinda scary to know that if you are married and that person turns out to be someone you would not want to be with and a divorce is very very difficult.. What do you want yourself? I hope you can do whatever makes you happy!!
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Panchali
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Post by Panchali on Mar 15, 2023 14:28:42 GMT
Panchali I got a bit anxious reading your posts, it must be so diffcult to love in India known you have to get married, right? So it means if you aren't finding someone yourself your family will find someone for you? Are there woman who never get married in your country and if so how is that going for them? Also it's kinda scary to know that if you are married and that person turns out to be someone you would not want to be with and a divorce is very very difficult.. What do you want yourself? I hope you can do whatever makes you happy!! Yes, if you don’t find someone yourself your family does. Even if you do have someone, and they belong to a different religion, community, caste etc. Parents might not agree easily or don’t agree at all. My cousin married a Muslim girl, we are Hindus and he and the girl had to fight with family for 5 years before they finally could, and these are much modern & rich people I’m talking about. Among traditional middle & upper middle it’s harder. My best friend wanted to marry a girl but her parents didn’t agree because of caste differences, the girl’s family wasn’t traditional but since he was from the lowest caste, their relatives, etc everyone would taunt/ make fun of them. My aunt also married in a different community and she tells me they were nervous till last moment because culturally, religion wise it was completely different… and there could have been a fight on the wedding day (and there was). Also, she had a lot of issues during first few years of marriage living in joint family. There are some communities/ families that don’t allow inter religious/community/caste marriage at all. My family is still open & doesn’t mind but marrying into a family where culture is different is difficult on girls because they have to make more adjustments, especially if she has to live with the boy’s parents. Statistically india has a divorce rate of 1% only though these days I’m seeing a lot of divorces in my age group. One of my close friends went through a divorce, she has been married for 3 months only. Even though she had a courtship period of a year she didn’t know he was having an affair. The guy cheated on her and married his gf quickly. It was hard for my friend to get remarried as people who are unmarried won’t prefer you if you are divorced. They tend to think that there’s something wrong with you if you couldn’t adjust with your spouse. That’s the stigma here. She did get married but she is still not happy as the guy is not nice but there’s nothing she can do. I had actually warned her because the guy’s family isn’t well off and she is far richer and her family is more sophisticated. Now she’s facing lots of issues because she moved into a one room flat with her in laws and his sister.. it’s not easy to adjust, plus he’s leeching her family to get money.. and now she can’t get divorced the second time so people have to be very careful. There are women who never get married, I know people who never did but the thing is you need some kind of support in life.. community or family - if you get sick, who will look after you? Else it’s hard to survive. Now that also depends where you live, how safe it is.. etc . For most rich people it doesn’t matter. But for women it’s especially harder to survive alone, if you are middle and lower middle class.. depending on the locality it might not be safe for a woman to live by herself. If a girl is unmarried she may have to live with her brother and his wife later on in life.. which can cause issues.. Also I think it’s the culture too. We are used to family, relatives and having people around at home.
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Jinkxx
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20 June 2008 & 04 May 2023 - The days I met Avril <3
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Post by Jinkxx on Mar 15, 2023 17:12:05 GMT
Panchali I got a bit anxious reading your posts, it must be so diffcult to love in India known you have to get married, right? So it means if you aren't finding someone yourself your family will find someone for you? Are there woman who never get married in your country and if so how is that going for them? Also it's kinda scary to know that if you are married and that person turns out to be someone you would not want to be with and a divorce is very very difficult.. What do you want yourself? I hope you can do whatever makes you happy!! Yes, if you don’t find someone yourself your family does. Even if you do have someone, and they belong to a different religion, community, caste etc. Parents might not agree easily or don’t agree at all. My cousin married a Muslim girl, we are Hindus and he and the girl had to fight with family for 5 years before they finally could, and these are much modern & rich people I’m talking about. Among traditional middle & upper middle it’s harder. My best friend wanted to marry a girl but her parents didn’t agree because of caste differences, the girl’s family wasn’t traditional but since he was from the lowest caste, their relatives, etc everyone would taunt/ make fun of them. My aunt also married in a different community and she tells me they were nervous till last moment because culturally, religion wise it was completely different… and there could have been a fight on the wedding day (and there was). Also, she had a lot of issues during first few years of marriage living in joint family. There are some communities/ families that don’t allow inter religious/community/caste marriage at all. My family is still open & doesn’t mind but marrying into a family where culture is different is difficult on girls because they have to make more adjustments, especially if she has to live with the boy’s parents. Statistically india has a divorce rate of 1% only though these days I’m seeing a lot of divorces in my age group. One of my close friends went through a divorce, she has been married for 3 months only. Even though she had a courtship period of a year she didn’t know he was having an affair. The guy cheated on her and married his gf quickly. It was hard for my friend to get remarried as people who are unmarried won’t prefer you if you are divorced. They tend to think that there’s something wrong with you if you couldn’t adjust with your spouse. That’s the stigma here. She did get married but she is still not happy as the guy is not nice but there’s nothing she can do. I had actually warned her because the guy’s family isn’t well off and she is far richer and her family is more sophisticated. Now she’s facing lots of issues because she moved into a one room flat with her in laws and his sister.. it’s not easy to adjust, plus he’s leeching her family to get money.. and now she can’t get divorced the second time so people have to be very careful. There are women who never get married, I know people who never did but the thing is you need some kind of support in life.. community or family - if you get sick, who will look after you? Else it’s hard to survive. Now that also depends where you live, how safe it is.. etc . For most rich people it doesn’t matter. But for women it’s especially harder to survive alone, if you are middle and lower middle class.. depending on the locality it might not be safe for a woman to live by herself. If a girl is unmarried she may have to live with her brother and his wife later on in life.. which can cause issues.. Also I think it’s the culture too. We are used to family, relatives and having people around at home. Oh wow that’s really difficult. Especially for me to understand since here in The Netherlands it’s so different. We are allowed to be single, live in your own, get divorced a few times, no big deal. It just costs a lot of money, but it’s not shameful to do here. it is like you said that you are used to having a lot of family around and in my country you live on your own or with a spouse or with your children or even with a fiend but it’s not usual that your parents or other family members are living with you. its sad for your friend that she can’t divorce again and that her new husband isn’t nice… it breaks my heart to hear people are in unhealthy relationships/marriages. your situation is a bit like some Romance Books I’d like to read. In those books it’s way before our time like in the 1700’s for example and the parents choose the man to whom their daughter would marry. For me it’s interesting there were times like that and I’m glad I don’t have to experience that but I can understand you’ve been raised in a country who does things differently from my country, and it’s depend on a few things like you said. thank you for sharing all this Panchali! I really appreciate it to have a look in another culture/religion!
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Panchali
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Post by Panchali on Mar 15, 2023 17:56:18 GMT
Yes, if you don’t find someone yourself your family does. Even if you do have someone, and they belong to a different religion, community, caste etc. Parents might not agree easily or don’t agree at all. My cousin married a Muslim girl, we are Hindus and he and the girl had to fight with family for 5 years before they finally could, and these are much modern & rich people I’m talking about. Among traditional middle & upper middle it’s harder. My best friend wanted to marry a girl but her parents didn’t agree because of caste differences, the girl’s family wasn’t traditional but since he was from the lowest caste, their relatives, etc everyone would taunt/ make fun of them. My aunt also married in a different community and she tells me they were nervous till last moment because culturally, religion wise it was completely different… and there could have been a fight on the wedding day (and there was). Also, she had a lot of issues during first few years of marriage living in joint family. There are some communities/ families that don’t allow inter religious/community/caste marriage at all. My family is still open & doesn’t mind but marrying into a family where culture is different is difficult on girls because they have to make more adjustments, especially if she has to live with the boy’s parents. Statistically india has a divorce rate of 1% only though these days I’m seeing a lot of divorces in my age group. One of my close friends went through a divorce, she has been married for 3 months only. Even though she had a courtship period of a year she didn’t know he was having an affair. The guy cheated on her and married his gf quickly. It was hard for my friend to get remarried as people who are unmarried won’t prefer you if you are divorced. They tend to think that there’s something wrong with you if you couldn’t adjust with your spouse. That’s the stigma here. She did get married but she is still not happy as the guy is not nice but there’s nothing she can do. I had actually warned her because the guy’s family isn’t well off and she is far richer and her family is more sophisticated. Now she’s facing lots of issues because she moved into a one room flat with her in laws and his sister.. it’s not easy to adjust, plus he’s leeching her family to get money.. and now she can’t get divorced the second time so people have to be very careful. There are women who never get married, I know people who never did but the thing is you need some kind of support in life.. community or family - if you get sick, who will look after you? Else it’s hard to survive. Now that also depends where you live, how safe it is.. etc . For most rich people it doesn’t matter. But for women it’s especially harder to survive alone, if you are middle and lower middle class.. depending on the locality it might not be safe for a woman to live by herself. If a girl is unmarried she may have to live with her brother and his wife later on in life.. which can cause issues.. Also I think it’s the culture too. We are used to family, relatives and having people around at home. Oh wow that’s really difficult. Especially for me to understand since here in The Netherlands it’s so different. We are allowed to be single, live in your own, get divorced a few times, no big deal. It just costs a lot of money, but it’s not shameful to do here. it is like you said that you are used to having a lot of family around and in my country you live on your own or with a spouse or with your children or even with a fiend but it’s not usual that your parents or other family members are living with you. its sad for your friend that she can’t divorce again and that her new husband isn’t nice… it breaks my heart to hear people are in unhealthy relationships/marriages. your situation is a bit like some Romance Books I’d like to read. In those books it’s way before our time like in the 1700’s for example and the parents choose the man to whom their daughter would marry. For me it’s interesting there were times like that and I’m glad I don’t have to experience that but I can understand you’ve been raised in a country who does things differently from my country, and it’s depend on a few things like you said. thank you for sharing all this Panchali! I really appreciate it to have a look in another culture/religion! I think another reason apart from culture is, in western culture you have more facilities, like you call 911 and help arrives immediately. In developing countries that’s not the case everywhere.. and in India especially level of development isn’t same across all cities / towns. Since daily life hassles are more so you kind of need community/ family. You are actually pretty accurate about the old romance novel thing. The culture is almost as same as what you would read in Jane Austen books. I think the Victorian age is really similar though things are gradually changing. To be honest I think people here compromise / sacrifice a lot for family to keep a relationship going. The mentality is such that marriage is for life. Although I don’t think it’s always healthy that people here think that if you only think about yourself you are selfish. Like a couple may keep their marriage running so that their parents don’t feel hurt. I think in another 10 years or so most Indians would be living like how people in the west are. Live in relationships are also becoming common among people who are 20+ now though their parents aren’t aware of it.
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★Caro★
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♥ 05-03-23 ♥
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Post by ★Caro★ on Mar 18, 2023 21:16:52 GMT
I had to think of Avril’s Move Your Little Self On and was wondering, how much stronger I’ll still have to become…😢
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tirasayshello
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Post by tirasayshello on Mar 18, 2023 23:58:57 GMT
Things have been a little hard for me right now... good news, my sister got her tumor removed and she's okay... bad news, my family has to put our dog down on Monday... apparently she had cancer in her urinary track, and the vets didn't catch it fast enough... she's pretty much been peeing her insides out. We know this'll be the best for her, even if it's such a horrible thing. Fuck cancer...
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alloutofmycontrol
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make me believe in magic and disappear
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Post by alloutofmycontrol on Mar 19, 2023 2:06:09 GMT
I feel meh
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slapstick
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Post by slapstick on Mar 19, 2023 21:10:45 GMT
.. to quote Taylor Swift "Please don't have somebody waiting on you" and "All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss"..
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